Letter from a Sulphur. The next few posts are from an assignment which was set as a bit of fun for the last project of this years study. The challenge was to select four remedies and write about their holidays!

Mr Sulphur
Camping Field
Yorkshire Dales

Dave, (I know you hate ‘Dave’ but I think it suits you better)

Firstly, I hope you received my latest offering, the best so far I think, the alternative vote campaign really made me think. If you want to share it do as I think my compromise alternative vote system should be shared at this time of change. Anyway, having a great time up here in the Dales. My tent is holding up despite the last minute repairs, but I have to say it was a good repair job! The field I’m pitched in is great, no bloody tourists, so I can continue to work on my piece, ‘Who is God?’ without interruption, which I am confident is going to be the one that makes it! Excuse the dirty writing paper, but I leave my tent open to the get the air in and a gust of wind blew it around the field! The camp stove you lent me is a good thanks, but you really should look after it better, I have an idea about that which I’ll let you know about when I get home, but I have to say that it cooks my baked beans and bacon a treat, although I don’t feel like eating it much after cooking it. The facilities are somewhat sparse, toilet is a shovel and a hole in the ground. Ok most of the time but the morning dash is somewhat risky to get the hole dug in time. Well you know what the mornings are like for me regarding that one!
Washing facilities, well there aren’t any but I can always have a clean up when I get home if I need one. It’s not as though I’m visiting anywhere anyway, I’m too busy writing, thinking and more writing.
I should have packed more clothes really I suppose, but two pairs of trousers, two shirts, one jumper, five pairs socks and underpants is enough for a two week break isn’t it, besides I couldn’t fit anything else in the car, as I couldn’t be bothered to empty the books I recently bought to make more room. No, I’m happy here in my field, no one about except for a few sheep. God they stink! I can tell when they are near as their pong hits my nose straight away. Why doesn’t the farmer wash them??
Funny though, the other morning I was happily singing away when I woke up in the tent and I’m sure one of them joined in with the harmonies. Water is available from a rusty old tap but that suits as I can sip happily throughout the day. And I’m pleased to say that the tap is the only water source I have, no rivers or streams which suits me as you know how I hate being near the water, especially with all those diseases the midges carry that live there and their annoying little itches they cause to your skin when they eat you alive. Only criticism, well more of a personal reflection is that I should have packed more Battenberg as the two cakes I packed for me elevenses are somewhat dry now, but I’m sure it’s still ok to eat. The weather is not overly hot but that’s the way I like it, as at night I can leave the door open, saying that I was eaten alive the other night when I stuck my foot out of the door as my sleeping bag was so hot! I think it may be infected as it looks swollen, I do hope it’s not Malaria! Have you heard of anyone dying in the Dales of that? Right Dave, I better go as I’m writing this at 4am and have been awake for an hour and could do with some more time to ponder on my paper, you know the one the world has been waiting for.


A gentle miracle post by David.

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